Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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