i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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