i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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