I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
