dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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