it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
