You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
handjob tips. give me some.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
