There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
