Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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