Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
