The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
