she peed on how many people?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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