Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
