I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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