What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's blow job season.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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