Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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