i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
