he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
