I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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