I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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