Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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