She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
