she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
