We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
