I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
