Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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