i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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