There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
