i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
