He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
