I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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