So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
