all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
