hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my liver is dry heaving
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
