walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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