shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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