My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
