Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
