In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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