someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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