god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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