Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
