and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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