So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
