you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
sex in a hospital.. check
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
