I love black thongs
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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