either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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