You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
