direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
