Im at strip club and am horny
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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