it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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