went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
