My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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