You really coming over, don't trick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
