on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
