I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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