Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
