apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
