You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
