Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
