somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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