i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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