I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
