He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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