You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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