I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The adults are the big ones right?
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