you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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