i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
