stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
